Wow. If you're like most people, by now you are scratching your head and saying, "Whu?".
Me too.
When we fell from grace, we fell hard. I like to think of it like this:
Imagine this beautiful sort of forest, massive in size but doesn't fill the entire world. It's got boundaries too. There's this feeling of happiness, like those lazy summer days without the laziness. No discomfort from heat- everything is like climate controlled and awesome. Everything is beautifully dark green, and simple. The animals don't fight. The fruit is always perfectly ripe. There's this sort of subconcious music playing all the time, and people feel it more than hear it. It's like a wonderful dream.
But then we ate what we shouldn't have. And there was this sudden falling feeling, like when something goes very wrong and you feel your stomach fall. And you can't hear the music anymore. And there's this sort of massive vibration you can't hear, but you feel, like a sonic boom. Everything is quiet, and everything seems rougher.
This is the fall.
Ted Dekker, in 'Black', puts this story into a wonderful new form. There are two forests: the Colored Forest and the Black Forest. The Colored Forest is full of beautiful trees and takes up almost the entire land. But this Black Forest is scary, and all the trees seem dead. There's a massive green river dividing the two, and a small white bridge. Good and Evil in physical form, divided only slightly.
Eventually, one of the characters drinks some of Teeleh(Satan)'s water while ignoring Elyon(God)'s command. The Shataiki bats, these giant black bats of Teeleh's, swarm across the river in a massive black tidal wave. As soon as they cross, things start to die. Whenever the horde passes Elyon's trees and fruit, it withers. These huge bats attack anything living. And everything just starts dying.
This is our sin nature. Temptation and doubt led us to the Fall. Faith and wisdom will have lead us to God.
Paul puts the sin nature right there on the table, in words a small child can understand. In bullet-point fashion:
-We know what's right, but don't do it.
-We desire to do what's right, but don't.
-We desire to always do what's right, but can't. (...I know nothing good dwells in my flesh.)
-We are incapable of doing the completely right thing without God.
I see this in myself all the time. I am constantly aware of when I'm sinning, and so many times I do so willfully. So, questions to mull over:
-What does it take for us to be able to- with God's help- do the right thing?
-Considering 98% of our sins are willful, how can we be forgiven when we are told willful sinning is not forgiven?
-Is willful sinning sinning and not caring at all or knowing it's wrong (like Paul said) and doing it?
You see, the last two can, for all intensive purposes, be put into black and white.
Sinning and not feeling any remorse or caring is WRONG.
Sinning while understand it's wrong and having any guilt at all is how we should feel. And it's hard. It's VERY difficult to feel bad for your sin. I'd say 50-55% of my prayers are "Lord, make me hate and feel guilt for my sin."
Referencing Ted Dekker again (love this author), there's another set of events in the book 'Black' which I absolutely love, though not for the same reasons most Christians do.
Thomas Hunter, so desperately wanting to know and speak with Elyon, jumps head-first into Elyon's water. This would be something like trying to look at God.
Anyway, he get's in there, and, in Ted's own words, 'immediately knew it was a mistake'. Just a few seconds after complete submersion, Thomas begins to ripped to pieces. At first it's like he's being electrified, and then as he's drowning, the water turns red. He feels the pain of his own sin and hears the weeping of Elyon as he feels Thom's pain, as Elyon shoulders it. It literally almost kills Thomas, and he's about to die, when he hears Elyon screaming in pain, weeping in agony as he completely shoulders Thom's sin. And then Thomas really wants to die.
Most people love this scene because it shows how much God cares about us, but that's only one of the reasons I love it. I love it because it reminds me that if I were to stare my own sins in the face, I would literally be torn apart. It would kill me. I wouldn't be able to handle it. It would not only kill you, it would literally feel like you should be un-created.
And I'll admit, I almost cried reading that 3-4 page scene in the book of Thomas in the lake. Not only because of finally feeling like someone understands what would happen if we were to see our sin, but because the next part, which is why most people love it.
Finally, Thomas' pain stops and he is overwhelmed by raw joy and pleasure, not just because of what he's just seen but because it's being thrown at him by the lake. It's Elyon's joy. Thomas breathes in the water, and is fine. And he's laughing and swimming in it, and a voice asks him "Do you like it?". Ted describes the next part as Thomas shouting yes with every possible fiber of his being, both with voice and soul. And the voice says. "I made this." And while Thomas is still just so overwhelmed by the experience, Elyon tells him that he is loved.
It's got to be one of my favorite scenes in a book EVER. Because it just hit every note.
We have a sin nature that has consumed us so much it's nearly impossible to do the right thing. And when we try to do the right thing, it comes out all twisted and messed up. We have alterior motives and adulterous hearts.
It's impossible for us to do true good in the world, because only God is capable of true good. And I hope that when I finally see him, I can 'jump into the lake', because only once I've seen my sin and felt that pain will I ever even begin to understand what true goodness is.
*I'm a saint, I'm a sinner. I'm a lover and fighter. I'm a true believer with great desire.*
- This Is Who I Am, Third Day
- This Is Who I Am, Third Day
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