Teens today are under more pressure than ever.
Yeah, it's a cliched statement and one that is used every generation, but it's true. Teenagers today have to deal with much more than what they used to.
I guess this entry is kind of coming as a result of the 'finally-done-with-finals'feeling.
See, I can't tell you how many times my parents have been amazed at how much homework I have to do for classes in one night. And I'm in the dumb classes. I'm not someone who is in all AP courses, so the work load isn't from there.
Let's break down this education crisis:
America's schools are ranking pretty low these days, especially in high school graduations. Because America is being compared to countries like Japan an regularly being told they aren't making the cut, the American education system has made a dramatic leap forward in an attempt to 'catch up'. Their solution, essentially, has been 'work harder, faster, producing better results'. It's a flame burning so hot it can't sustain itself.
As American education boards are pressured into returning America to its 'rightful' status on the education totem pole, a chain reaction occurs.
1. The officials in the government see the 'score board' with other countries.
2. They frantically try to develop all kinds of programs to 'increase productivity'.
3. These programs are formed into laws/regulations for the state.
4. Once these laws/regulations are passed, the head of the school board starts to sweat
5. Mr. Head-of-School-Board stresses out, urging teachers to alter curriculum.
6. Teachers, worried about being good educators, attempt to make alterations.
7. This results in dramatic increases in work for the students.
8. And the students grades start to slip as they can't keep up with the 'demand'.
9. The parents see the falling grades, and having inherited the stress from up top...
10. They begin to pressure kids. Urging them, pushing them too hard.
11. Kids begin to have break downs.
As parents begin to lay on the pressure (which, admittedly, comes from a decent place- a desire for their child to succeed), something changes.
Want becomes need. The relationship breaks down. Teenage rebellion begins, and the cycle continues. It's a vicious two-edged sword.
The other day, one of the first days after school had ended, my mom asked me to go with her to go run some errands. Seeing as they were simple errands like mailing letters, I saw no need and got exasperated. I'd been dealing all year with people NEEDING things from me. As my parents got more stressed during the tight economy, I began to feel somewhat neglected and used only as 'free labor' in the house.
Anyway, I had had a frustrating day (how selfish does that sound?)when she asked this, and I complained and complained. And complained. And I told her I really didn't want to. And I practically started a fight over it.
Finally, I snapped, 'What do you need ME for?!'
My mom looked really upset for a second and just said, 'I wanted to spend some time with you is all.'
I felt like the worst person in the world. See, I had gotten so used to people NEEDING things from me, EXPECTING things from me, that I had just gotten to the point where I only saw people as what they expected of me.
After all the pressure that I had been under lately to do well in school, finish up work, prepare for my sister returning home, and helping around the house, it was just too much. I mean, it was like my head was going to explode. There was just too much to deal with.
So, when I realized that I wasn't needed, but WANTED, it caught me off guard.
Being 'wanted' and 'needed' are two VERY different things.
'Need' seems to imply a selfishness. Even on TV in those goofy, overly-dramatic romance shows, when a person said 'I need you' it was all about them, not you. But being told you are wanted and accepted where you are is something vastly separate.
My generation has gotten to the point where we only feel 'needed', not wanted. This is no one's fault intentionally. It is the atmosphere that has been created. We only feel that we are 'required' to meet certain expectations.
If someone asked you, right now, 'what do your parents want you to do?', you could come up with a million answers.
- Get good grades.
- Help out at home.
- Manage time effectively 100% of the time.
- Etc.
And that's just because of what atmosphere has been cultivated in America. As children get older, there's something that happens where we begin to feel like our parents see us as nothing more than hindrances and inconveniences. We try to sort of stay out of the way, lay low.
It's all this pressure that is breaking up families and ruining relationships between parents and children.
But here's the worst part: it doesn't end there. As our parents pressure us and we begin to feel like we just have to meet every expectation, we begin to feel UNWANTED. Not in the abandoned sort of way, but in a pervasive feeling that encourages us to 'lay low and not be a bother'.
And as teens let that attitude sink in, something else sinks in.
Teens begin to feel unimportant and insignificant. This feeling encourages acting out. We begin to feel like nothing we do matters.
And THAT is how you get the apathetic teenager of today.
At one point in Ethics during the year, one of the kids in my class said something along the lines of (and I paraphrase here):
"I mean, come on guys, what are the chances anyone here is going to actually do something that matters?"
When I heard that, that just killed me. It wasn't laziness or anything on our part that had made us feel this way. It was what the world had beaten into us.
I like John Mayer a lot. I think he's a terrific artist, mainly because he can play guitar insanely well. But a lot of times, I don't agree with his messages in his songs.
How about 'Waiting On The World To Change'?
Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood.
They say we stand for nothin' and
There's no way we ever could.
Now we see everything that's goin' wrong
With the world and those who lead it.
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it.
So we keep waiting.
Waiting on the world to change.
It's not that we don't care
We just know that the fight ain't fair.
So we keep waiting.
Waiting on the world to change.
John Mayer hits the nail on the head, and I think he does it unintentionally. This is how teenagers have come to feel, evidenced by what my class mate said.
Multiple times this week on Facebook, I've seen posts from upset friends about how their families are telling them they aren't 'doing it right' or 'doing it well enough'. Their parents are unintentionally telling them they are worthless failures, because they are not succeeding in what they 'need' to do.
This is leading to a generation of apathetic, self-loathing Christian teens. If teens can't understand how a relationship with a parent is supposed to work, how can they even begin to understand the love in their relationship with the Father himself?
No parent actually wants to upset or pressure their child. Parents just want what is best. But as American culture tries to stay 'the best' at everything, this pressure is going to lead to the self-destructive behavior we see today, the rebellion.
Joss Whedon unintentionally blasts a hole in Atheistic world views in one of the lines from his show Angel. Angel, after having dealt with what was essentially an existential crisis, says:
"I guess I finally just realized that nothing we do matters."
"Well, don't you have a cheery outlook on life?"
"Let me finish. I guess, what I'm trying to say is...if there is no higher power, no higher calling...no grand plan...If nothing we do matters, then the only thing that matters is what we do. The smallest act of kindness can have such an impact on someone's life."
Back to the quote from my classmate.
So, if none of us will ever accomplish anything in actuality, then the only things that matter about our lives are what we do.
I am in no way implying my friend was coming from an Athiestic view. In fact, I have no doubt in my mind she is a Christian. But the world has done such a thorough job through this 'pressure method' at teaching us we don't matter.
I wanted to talk to her later on. I've always been a big believer that everyone God has chosen has a big destiny. Not big in the sense that we understand big, but big.
The metaphor for actions is usually the cliche one about dropping a stone into a pond.
I think, that since everything is predestined (obviously, I'm a Calvinist, haha), it's like dumping one of those massive, plastic jugs filled with spare change into a pond. Billions of individual coins striking the water and sending out waves in circular patterns. Since the coins will mostly hit the water at the same time, the ripples begin to collide, forming new waves that spread farther.
All from one coin.
If you don't get the metaphor...Fine, I guess I'll go into it. The pond is the physical, fallen world. Each coin is a person. When that person enters the world and begins making choices or doing ANYTHING, it affects other people and their actions.
My point is: Everyone affects everyone.
The Apostle Paul talked about the body of Christ being made up of many parts, none more valuable than the others. It's SO true. That's how actions work in this world. And that's what makes life life.
The pressure, the strain that teenagers feel (remember that from WAY earlier in the entry?) is transmitted in the exact same way. And very quickly, we forget we are 'wanted' and loved and begin to feel only 'needed'.
"I just wanted to spend some time with you." See? We're all people, and we all want to be wanted. We don't want to only be needed, though there is a place for that. That's the crazy confusing thing about God. That's why he's called the Father. He doesn't NEED us, he WANTS us. He wants what is best for us, like a parent, so He gave us the Bible. But he pursues us! We don't pursue him.
All about that imagery of the church being God's bride, that he is courting and 'wooing' her.
Teenagers are an amazingly powerful force, which is why I think Satan tries to separate us from our parents. Our passion and drive, when not being beaten away by the pressures of society, make us a deadly weapon. If parents and teens could get rid of this pressure, this feeling of expectations, it would be incredible how the world would change. I'm not saying abolish the Fifth Commandment at all.
What I'm saying, I guess, is keep the respect and the real responsibility and get rid of all this cultural junk that is separating you from your parents.
It would be a WASD entry without a superhero reference, so here we go: Parents and teens are like the Wonder Twins. Now, I've never really liked the Wonder Twins, but that's not the point. Separate, they do much more harm than good. Together, they are a powerful, unionized force that is capable of bringing great change.
Hey, teenagers got the '70s goin'. Just think of what would happen if teenagers and adults worked together?
God bless.
PS- I really hope that made sense in some form or another. It's late and I'm tired.
