"Why are you guys here in this class today?"
Everyone responded, "'Cause we have to be."
"Why?" he asked.
"So we can graduate," everyone agreed.
"Why do you want to graduate?"
"So we can go to college."
"Why do you want to go to college?"
"So we can graduate and get a good job."
"Why do you want a good job?"
"So we can... umm...ya know."
He summed it up in a way that really spoke to me. He said that the reason we want this is 'because society and our American culture has taught us this is what you must do so that in the end you can have a white-picket fence life with a beautiful wife, two kids, and a dog'. Granted, I'm paraphrasing from memory, but he did use the picket fence line.
He then told us that we shouldn't let our grade in his class control our life in his class. He wanted us to learn, or at least participate, even if we ended up not getting a good grade. He said that even if we failed the class, it wasn't the end of the world.
How very Dead-Poet's-Society-Mister-Keeting.
Moving on. Lately, I've been insanely busy with work from both Sophmore year and make-up work from Freshman year. And I've just asked myself, 'what's the point? What do I want to do with my life?'
Toby Mac, in his song Lose My Soul, says:
*Yeah, I wanna be a daddy who's in the mix.
I wanna be a husband who stays legit.
I pray I'll be an artist who rises above
the road that is wide and filled with self love.*
I wanna be a husband who stays legit.
I pray I'll be an artist who rises above
the road that is wide and filled with self love.*
I've been thinking about college. And I just feel like... I need to be OUT THERE. IN the world, not studying away so that I can be happy. Many people will say that in order to be able to actually contribute and help the world you need to have the knowledge and skill of a college degree; it's a common consensus that you must be 'well-rounded' in order to help change the world.
I agree, it's important to be well-rounded and knowledgeable.
But...Every time I think about going to college, I get this feeling it's going to lead me inevitably to the place I do not want to be.
I do not want to be the guy who settles down so he can live his life with his family, only looking after my families' and my own interest. There's this part of me that feels like if I conform to the American dream idea, I won't have any lasting impact on the world. I'll have an impact on people, but not the world.
In Switchfoot's song American Dream, they say:
I agree, it's important to be well-rounded and knowledgeable.
But...Every time I think about going to college, I get this feeling it's going to lead me inevitably to the place I do not want to be.
I do not want to be the guy who settles down so he can live his life with his family, only looking after my families' and my own interest. There's this part of me that feels like if I conform to the American dream idea, I won't have any lasting impact on the world. I'll have an impact on people, but not the world.
In Switchfoot's song American Dream, they say:
*This ain't my 'American Dream'.
I want to live and die
For bigger things.
I'm tired of fighting for just me!
This ain't MY 'American Dream'.*
I want to live and die
For bigger things.
I'm tired of fighting for just me!
This ain't MY 'American Dream'.*
I want to spread the Gospel and the word of Jesus. I want to help people! So, in thinking about my future, I've been thinking about careers:
My gift is in art. I want to glorify God with the gift He has given me. But I feel like I won't help spread His message if I become a comic book artist or work with PIXAR or another animation company. Could I have an impact on the life of others?
My other main gift is in writing- I have a passion for telling stories. This has also lead to screen-play writing and an interest in directing within the movie industry. I want to write books, directs films, help out with them, act, etc. Story is SUCH a powerful thing, especially today.
I love music- more specifically, singing. I'm not boasting when I say that I'm a decent singer. Musicians are the philosophers of today and Christian musicians have an incredible reach within our community to encourage other Christians to take action.
I want to protect people and save people. I could never be a doctor- but I've considered (and, yes, this is weird) the job of FBI profiler/psychologist. If I can help enforce our culture's laws (many of which are based on the 10 Commandments!), I want to! The human psyche and mind fascinates me. Maybe a prosecutor. I don't know.
After going through the things I have with an anxiety disorder and severe OCD, I want to help others who have dealt with that. I want to be a counselor. I want to help people who are hurting because I've felt that way.
I want to be a missionary of my own. I want to hitch-hike across America with nothing but a bag of a few necessities and the desire to deliver God's word. I want to have an experience like Don Miller when he lived for months within a homeless community among hippies. I want a REAL experience like that.
So, do you see all of those desires and emotions? And everyone else is just like me. Everyone has these feelings. I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll pursue art, maybe I'll pursue writing, maybe I'll pursue the criminal justice fields, maybe I pursue psychiatry. Maybe I'll go to Seminary and become a pastor.
But here is where the main point of this entry starts:
Thousands of people died in the earthquakes in Haiti. All around America, Christians are praying and the country is sending help in the form of the National Guard.
Here's my question: Why haven't we all bought plane tickets down to Haiti to help find people amongst the rubble? Why have we shaken our heads and said, 'That's a horrible tragedy. We should help!' and done nothing ourselves.
Yeah, yeah, regulations and laws of our culture.
I'm worried that if I go to college for the betterment of my future, I will lose this feeling, this yearning. I'm worried if I pursue my own interests instead of trying to help people, I will not be doing what I have been called to do as a Christian.
If you had asked me a few months ago what I wanted out of life, I would have told you:
House with a white picket fence, a wife, a job that makes good money that I enjoy, and two kids and a dog.
If you ask me now, I'd say:
I don't know.
I don't want to squander my artistic ability by ignoring it. It's a wonderful gift God has given me, and I should use it to honor Him! But if I end up working at one of my possible 'dream jobs', animating for comic books and publishing my own stuff, how will I contribute? The only thing people will see is my art. They might say, 'Wow, that's cool art.' But have I conveyed anything about God?
I guess, in the end, I'm torn between the careers I selfishly want to pursue and the careers I want to seek because I want to help the world.
In Smallville, (Let me guess: You just rolled your eyes because I'm making ANOTHER Smallville reference.) when Oliver Queen reveals to Lois Lane that he is the Green Arrow and then leaves her, he explains his reasoning thusly:
"There are more important things in this world than me and what I want...or what I love."
I find that quote so moving, because it just hits the note I'm trying to hit perfectly.
As the body of Christ, everyone is needed. Everyone is as important as everyone else. The body cannot function without hands. Ya know? So I understand that every job is needed, every occupation. But I just don't know what body part I fit in yet.
This may sound silly, but please don't laugh when I say what I'm about to say:
I want to be a superhero.
Not a spandex-wearing dude, no. I want to be someone who is making a major difference in the world without selling my soul to the views of any country's politics. I want the power to make a difference- whether by protecting people, sharing with them in their pain, or spreading the word of God.
Don't get me wrong: I still want what everyone wants- a loving family, a nice life with enough money not to have to worry, etc.
Obviously, I can't do any of this on my own. I need God to work through me. But I don't want to end my life knowing that the only people who will remember me in history are my friends and family. This isn't a hunger for greed or recognition- I just need to make a difference in the world somehow by using my gifts and my passions.
God put us on Earth for a reason. He will use His followers no matter what. But I don't want to waste my life worrying about grades in high school when there are people out there who are hurting and need love. The same applies for my thoughts on college, and then having a job later. Who cares about what your high-school diploma says? I need to interact and get to know my classmates and love them. I believe in working hard, but I refuse to allow school to influence my self-image. It's about how I interact with people, not about how well-written my essay on 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles' was. I gave it my best. There's nothing else to say. My attention CANNOT be consumed by school, or I will lose my self to our culture's views and eventually lose my soul and individuality.
John the Baptist is one of my heroes. He's the guy who ate honey and grasshoppers while wearing a camel hair tunic. He was probably unshaven and hairy. And he stood in the middle of the streets and in the waters screaming God's message, proclaiming it loudly.
Lots of people will say you can't spread God's word without a 'proper education'. While I have the utmost respect for the educational system, especially Seminary. But when we're spreading the gospel, I think God is controlling what we say. God is using us as puppets in those moments. My friend Glen wrote a fantastic note on Facebook about his experience with this which I could not have endorsed more. He hit the nail on the head.
If you think you need to be smart or 'well-rounded' to help spread the Gospel, consider this: the disciples, and eventually the Apostles- lots of them started as fisherman. Not Pharisees. Not famous, intelligent teachers. They caught fish for a living. They were believers and understood their faith, but they weren't as 'well-rounded' as the Pharisees. They were rough around the edges.
In the Old Testament, there's the story of Balaam (spell check me on that one...) and his donkey. His donkey talks to him about God. A donkey is explaining the most important thing in the world to a human being.
David danced naked in the streets for God. If I did that, people would turn up their noses and say I was 'uncivilized'. Maybe that's what we need! David Crowder, in his song 'I Will Dance', asks his concert crowd to make a joyful noise and a loud noise. In the exact quote: "Not just a little itty-bitty quiet noise- a LOUD noise."
I don't care if I'm super-knowledgeable and well-rounded. I just want to be used to make a difference.
My gift is in art. I want to glorify God with the gift He has given me. But I feel like I won't help spread His message if I become a comic book artist or work with PIXAR or another animation company. Could I have an impact on the life of others?
My other main gift is in writing- I have a passion for telling stories. This has also lead to screen-play writing and an interest in directing within the movie industry. I want to write books, directs films, help out with them, act, etc. Story is SUCH a powerful thing, especially today.
I love music- more specifically, singing. I'm not boasting when I say that I'm a decent singer. Musicians are the philosophers of today and Christian musicians have an incredible reach within our community to encourage other Christians to take action.
I want to protect people and save people. I could never be a doctor- but I've considered (and, yes, this is weird) the job of FBI profiler/psychologist. If I can help enforce our culture's laws (many of which are based on the 10 Commandments!), I want to! The human psyche and mind fascinates me. Maybe a prosecutor. I don't know.
After going through the things I have with an anxiety disorder and severe OCD, I want to help others who have dealt with that. I want to be a counselor. I want to help people who are hurting because I've felt that way.
I want to be a missionary of my own. I want to hitch-hike across America with nothing but a bag of a few necessities and the desire to deliver God's word. I want to have an experience like Don Miller when he lived for months within a homeless community among hippies. I want a REAL experience like that.
So, do you see all of those desires and emotions? And everyone else is just like me. Everyone has these feelings. I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll pursue art, maybe I'll pursue writing, maybe I'll pursue the criminal justice fields, maybe I pursue psychiatry. Maybe I'll go to Seminary and become a pastor.
But here is where the main point of this entry starts:
Thousands of people died in the earthquakes in Haiti. All around America, Christians are praying and the country is sending help in the form of the National Guard.
Here's my question: Why haven't we all bought plane tickets down to Haiti to help find people amongst the rubble? Why have we shaken our heads and said, 'That's a horrible tragedy. We should help!' and done nothing ourselves.
Yeah, yeah, regulations and laws of our culture.
I'm worried that if I go to college for the betterment of my future, I will lose this feeling, this yearning. I'm worried if I pursue my own interests instead of trying to help people, I will not be doing what I have been called to do as a Christian.
If you had asked me a few months ago what I wanted out of life, I would have told you:
House with a white picket fence, a wife, a job that makes good money that I enjoy, and two kids and a dog.
If you ask me now, I'd say:
I don't know.
I don't want to squander my artistic ability by ignoring it. It's a wonderful gift God has given me, and I should use it to honor Him! But if I end up working at one of my possible 'dream jobs', animating for comic books and publishing my own stuff, how will I contribute? The only thing people will see is my art. They might say, 'Wow, that's cool art.' But have I conveyed anything about God?
I guess, in the end, I'm torn between the careers I selfishly want to pursue and the careers I want to seek because I want to help the world.
In Smallville, (Let me guess: You just rolled your eyes because I'm making ANOTHER Smallville reference.) when Oliver Queen reveals to Lois Lane that he is the Green Arrow and then leaves her, he explains his reasoning thusly:
"There are more important things in this world than me and what I want...or what I love."
I find that quote so moving, because it just hits the note I'm trying to hit perfectly.
As the body of Christ, everyone is needed. Everyone is as important as everyone else. The body cannot function without hands. Ya know? So I understand that every job is needed, every occupation. But I just don't know what body part I fit in yet.
This may sound silly, but please don't laugh when I say what I'm about to say:
I want to be a superhero.
Not a spandex-wearing dude, no. I want to be someone who is making a major difference in the world without selling my soul to the views of any country's politics. I want the power to make a difference- whether by protecting people, sharing with them in their pain, or spreading the word of God.
Don't get me wrong: I still want what everyone wants- a loving family, a nice life with enough money not to have to worry, etc.
Obviously, I can't do any of this on my own. I need God to work through me. But I don't want to end my life knowing that the only people who will remember me in history are my friends and family. This isn't a hunger for greed or recognition- I just need to make a difference in the world somehow by using my gifts and my passions.
God put us on Earth for a reason. He will use His followers no matter what. But I don't want to waste my life worrying about grades in high school when there are people out there who are hurting and need love. The same applies for my thoughts on college, and then having a job later. Who cares about what your high-school diploma says? I need to interact and get to know my classmates and love them. I believe in working hard, but I refuse to allow school to influence my self-image. It's about how I interact with people, not about how well-written my essay on 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles' was. I gave it my best. There's nothing else to say. My attention CANNOT be consumed by school, or I will lose my self to our culture's views and eventually lose my soul and individuality.
John the Baptist is one of my heroes. He's the guy who ate honey and grasshoppers while wearing a camel hair tunic. He was probably unshaven and hairy. And he stood in the middle of the streets and in the waters screaming God's message, proclaiming it loudly.
Lots of people will say you can't spread God's word without a 'proper education'. While I have the utmost respect for the educational system, especially Seminary. But when we're spreading the gospel, I think God is controlling what we say. God is using us as puppets in those moments. My friend Glen wrote a fantastic note on Facebook about his experience with this which I could not have endorsed more. He hit the nail on the head.
If you think you need to be smart or 'well-rounded' to help spread the Gospel, consider this: the disciples, and eventually the Apostles- lots of them started as fisherman. Not Pharisees. Not famous, intelligent teachers. They caught fish for a living. They were believers and understood their faith, but they weren't as 'well-rounded' as the Pharisees. They were rough around the edges.
In the Old Testament, there's the story of Balaam (spell check me on that one...) and his donkey. His donkey talks to him about God. A donkey is explaining the most important thing in the world to a human being.
David danced naked in the streets for God. If I did that, people would turn up their noses and say I was 'uncivilized'. Maybe that's what we need! David Crowder, in his song 'I Will Dance', asks his concert crowd to make a joyful noise and a loud noise. In the exact quote: "Not just a little itty-bitty quiet noise- a LOUD noise."
I don't care if I'm super-knowledgeable and well-rounded. I just want to be used to make a difference.
*If you want to live life loud,
Throw your hands up!
If you want to scream and shout-
Let me hear ya!*
Throw your hands up!
If you want to scream and shout-
Let me hear ya!*
-Hawk Nelson
So, hey, let's start a dialogue. When you say, "Why aren't we all buying plane tickets and heading down there to help?" I empathize. Last year my Bible study read a book by Shane Claiborne and every chapter left me feeling like, "What the heck am I doing sitting around in college in this, let's face it, Christian bubble?" Maybe you'll end up being somebody like him; I can see that in you, especially when I read your theological musings. There's this concept that's super emphasized here at college: it's called vocation. No, not vocation like "job" but vocation as a calling, a particular place and role God has crafted in his world that is just right for you to fill. There are some people, perhaps the "Feet" and "Hands" of the Body, who are meant to go out and encounter the pain of others, to share in it in a physical and tangible way. But as Paul says, there'd be no sense in having a Body of entirely Feet and Hands. There are some people whose role, odd as it may seem, has a tendency to look a lot like the American Dream (not to endorse that in any way). Maybe they're the people who will give birth to and raise the next Rob Bell or Shane Claiborne or Mother Theresa, and they're just as important for the role they play. The difference in the seeming "white picket fence" life they're living is that they're living it in an intentionally Christian way, making a difference in their community and in the lives of their neighbors (in the biblical sense of neighbors). And since you sincerely feel called to be an agent of redemption (a superhero if you will), then I believe God will accomplish that in you. With your incredible empathy for people in pain or difficulty and your artistic talent, I could see you creating art (don't ask me what kind) that "tells it like it is" and at the same time points very clearly to the hope offered in Christ. I think there's a reason you are so fascinated by the theology of superheros; maybe you're meant to create your own. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteSo, I realized that when I told you that I was too busy with school that I was defeating the entire point I had tried to make with this entry.
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether I'm a hand or rib bone. See, the song "The Motions" by Matthew West (have you heard it? Find and listen if not.) sums up my entry pretty well. In a sense, I want to do those things not only to help people but to have more of those experiences where you completely feel God's presence. It's just like, I'd like to have some real certainty behind faith as well. Because the worst thing for faith is for it to become immobile- even if that means constantly doubting and questioning, I think. So by acting in such a way as I mentioned, I think it's like really exercising my faith.
In short terms, I want to do those things because I want to feel those moments when you have 100% certainty, since I spend so much time asking questions in general. Ya know?
You long for the chance to experience the divine. Don't we all?
ReplyDeleteIt's the Lenten season-start praying. Mars Hill is doing a series on Jonah, which is where this next part comes from. When Jonah decides to flee from the presence of the Lord, he heads for the paradise of Tarshish because he knows for certain he will find God in the darkness of Nineveh. I figure you get that and are looking to find your way to Nineveh. But while God is in Nineveh, he is also in Tarshish and every place in between. After all, in trying to get away from God, Jonah jumps on a boat of heathen sailors who, during the storm, begin to ask questions about Jonah's God and offer up prayers and sacrifices. So much for getting away from God.
I guess I'm saying this: Ask God if he will make himself known to you and that you might start to feel and see him in the places that seemed too ordinary or at peace. There will be a time for you to go to Nineveh; we all have many. But you shouldn't have to look farther than right next to you to find him.
I hope that didn't come off super preachy-I don't mean to sound that way. Thoughts?
Nah, you didn't come off too preachy. Don't worry. :)
ReplyDeleteIn retrospect, my response to your comment and the original entry don't seem very connected... They seem like they have different points. Either way, I guess the connection I'm trying to make between those two is that I want to know I'm doing it right. Ya know? Understanding God controls and has predestined everything seems different than actually getting it, ya know? In a way, my thinking is selfish, 'cause I'm saying that I want my life to accomplish something great for God. Make any sense?
Definitely been praying during Lent.
The line from the song 'The Motions' by Matthew West that really gets me is in the chorus, where it says "I don't wanna spend my whole like asking, 'what if I had given everything instead of goin' through the motions?'"
Obviously, this line is somewhat incorrect in its thinking- if you're one of God's elect, your life will be controlled and used by him. So what Matthew West is saying comes from more of an Armenian (sp?) thought process than a Calvinsitic.
So, to break the entry down to its basics, the main gist is:
'What am I doing in school, learning about all this stuff that I'll never use? And why am I thinking about college when it will spend just another four years doing the same? Shouldn't I be out in the world, working at this?'
Ya know?
A very impressive worldview expressed by a high school sophomore! What a compliment -- your comparing your teacher (whom I think I know) to Mr. Keating from Dead Poets' Society, my all-time favorite movie that I discussed with my high school English students before I retired.
ReplyDeleteGo for the superhero! You will make a difference, I am sure.